Saturday, January 21, 2006

Crystal Survives Tour Bus Roll-over

We regret to report that Crystal will be cancelling some of her tour engagements due to a minor bus accident. Although no one was hurt, Crystal's "do-it-yourself" winery was lost, Ethel Steinberg--Crystal's Saint Bernard/Tshizu mix suffered a diviated septum (although it is unknown as to whether that was due to the accident or not), and the bus driver was striken with an unexpected case of coma. Unfortunately, the following tour dates are postponed indefinitely until a cure can be found for Ethel Steinberg's sneeze-whistles:

The Old Country Buffet in St. Louis
The Rent-a-Center of Tulsa, OK
The Bergen County Fair, Bergen, NJ

Although it is unknown what caused the bus to rollover, Crystal had this to say to her dissapointed and concerned fans:

"I told that homely bus driver bus-made wine is just as good as the store bought kind. Goes down the ol' gullet like sweet, alcoholc motor-oil. As soon as he gets out of that coma he better fork over that buffalo nickel he bet me. Ethel, stop that noise. Geoffrey, get Ethel out of here, that wheezing is repulsive. Someone needs to rewrap my turban. Holy Moses, what the hell happened to the bus?"

Posted by Geoffrey :: 6:40 PM :: 1 Fan Mail:

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